Black caps, oh how you torment me. Was riding the wave Sunday morning, Poms looking like shit and then you cave and the Poms cruise to a win. Well cruise in the rusty old 76 Falcon with 500k on the clock, been running on five cylinders since the 80's sense of the word.
Ah fucking well. Scotty "BIG Dix" Dixon at least came through for the ole Silver Fern at the Indy 500.
When asked, the near senile Keith Quinn said it was in the top ten Kiwi sporting achievements, but "motor racing is not my cup of tea". Great objective sports journalism there Keith. Fucktard. When asked what his favourite NZ sporting moment was, he just went misty eyed and kept repeating, "LOMU, LOMU OH OH OH" and an unmistakable moistness was evident in his trousers.
I enjoy 30 big burly blokes smashing the living shit out of each other as the next hetro male, but in the worlds of Selwyn Toogood, Fuck me New Zealand. There are more sports than Rugby out there, and some of these sports can actually stand up when it counts. It's lucky the AB's aren't in porn cos they'd blow their load all over the fluffer girl, and then walk around with the biggest limpest cock for the rest of the time until they get told to leave.
YES I AM STILL FUCKING BITTER ABOUT THE WORLD CUP. In fact I'm still bitter about ninety fucking five. Erm, and 99 oh and 2003. Right that's it I'm watching motorsport from now on. At least if I get a semi half way through, I can blame it on Danica Patrick.
Wednesday, 28 May 2008
Sunday, 7 October 2007
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
Spent the weekend in Amsterdam on a stag doo.
It was all going so well, I was with a bunch of Poms, we went down to an Irish bar to watch the England game. So far so good, the Aussies left with tails between their legs and I was an England fan for 80 minutes.
Then I waited with a smug arrogance of knowing we would stuff the Poms in the Semis, once we stuffed the Frogs. But then the script was rewritten. 15 Frenchmen and one Englishman conspired to ruin our hopes and dreams. There we were, a bunch of strangers in a bar, united under the banner of a nation, in our Black jerseys shocked. Dumbfounded. Unbelieving. Watching the garlic smelling cheese eating surrender monkeys also at the bar jumping up and down. How could this happen?
No one died. The world will go on, but the emptiness we felt and still feel will take a long time to forget. A fan will always stick by their team through good and bad, but like a dog who keeps chewing your favourite slippers, there comes a time when a bullet needs to be introduced to the proceedings.
I could go on about the ref, the forward pass, the ref, the constant infringing at ruck time, the ref, spending 25 phases off side, the ref, having an arm out for offside then putting it down again, the ref, but what's the point? We lost. The ink is dry in the history books. As George Grogan would say, "Four more years". We'll all be there, but I hope we learn something from this, Never. Never again can we assume so much and be so arrogant. We can't just show up and win this thing. We aren't good enough. That is a fact.
I think that's the hardest thing of all to take.
It was all going so well, I was with a bunch of Poms, we went down to an Irish bar to watch the England game. So far so good, the Aussies left with tails between their legs and I was an England fan for 80 minutes.
Then I waited with a smug arrogance of knowing we would stuff the Poms in the Semis, once we stuffed the Frogs. But then the script was rewritten. 15 Frenchmen and one Englishman conspired to ruin our hopes and dreams. There we were, a bunch of strangers in a bar, united under the banner of a nation, in our Black jerseys shocked. Dumbfounded. Unbelieving. Watching the garlic smelling cheese eating surrender monkeys also at the bar jumping up and down. How could this happen?
No one died. The world will go on, but the emptiness we felt and still feel will take a long time to forget. A fan will always stick by their team through good and bad, but like a dog who keeps chewing your favourite slippers, there comes a time when a bullet needs to be introduced to the proceedings.
I could go on about the ref, the forward pass, the ref, the constant infringing at ruck time, the ref, spending 25 phases off side, the ref, having an arm out for offside then putting it down again, the ref, but what's the point? We lost. The ink is dry in the history books. As George Grogan would say, "Four more years". We'll all be there, but I hope we learn something from this, Never. Never again can we assume so much and be so arrogant. We can't just show up and win this thing. We aren't good enough. That is a fact.
I think that's the hardest thing of all to take.
Saturday, 1 September 2007
Rowing is the new Rugby
Just watching the Rowing world champs from Munich. We won 3 golds and a couple of silvers. These people never fail, as opposed to the All Blacks who never fail to disappoint at World Champs.
Maybe as a country we should get in behind winners more often rather than just blindly back the All Blacks. I am as big an All Blacks fan as the next sheep shagger, but credit where credit is due. Imagine how awesome the rowers would be if they had a tenth the funding of the Rugby Union. Anyway, awesome work rowers. Who said sitting on your arse was a bad thing eh?
Best part of the viewing was the English coverage. In the coxless 4 (no that's not a womens race) the Brits were white hot favourites. You would think they were rowing against themselves. The commentators kept calling their race right until the end when it was obvious the Kiwis were going to win. It was Britain blah blah, Britain blah blah, New Zealand wins. Is there anything better than beating Poms? Well beating Aussies I guess, but it was still O for Awesome.
Maybe as a country we should get in behind winners more often rather than just blindly back the All Blacks. I am as big an All Blacks fan as the next sheep shagger, but credit where credit is due. Imagine how awesome the rowers would be if they had a tenth the funding of the Rugby Union. Anyway, awesome work rowers. Who said sitting on your arse was a bad thing eh?
Best part of the viewing was the English coverage. In the coxless 4 (no that's not a womens race) the Brits were white hot favourites. You would think they were rowing against themselves. The commentators kept calling their race right until the end when it was obvious the Kiwis were going to win. It was Britain blah blah, Britain blah blah, New Zealand wins. Is there anything better than beating Poms? Well beating Aussies I guess, but it was still O for Awesome.
Tuesday, 7 August 2007
NPC = No Phucking Crowd
Here in the land of the Blighty, we get the Saturday games from NZ live on Sky Sports 2. I turned on last Saturday morning and was shocked. Shocked I say. The NPC, the so called shop front of the game, and there's no fucker there. Disgraceful.
You can say what you like about the Poms, and I do, but you can't fault their enthusiasm for supporting their sports teams. It's almost impossible to get tickets to any professional league football games, and even the non league teams have sell out crowds. These people are genuine fans, and we could learn a lot from them.
Hang your head New Zealand. You have great rugby going on in your back yard and you would rather stay home with the missus. Next you'll be sipping Chardonay Spritzers and subscribing to the Arts channel.
Poofters.
You can say what you like about the Poms, and I do, but you can't fault their enthusiasm for supporting their sports teams. It's almost impossible to get tickets to any professional league football games, and even the non league teams have sell out crowds. These people are genuine fans, and we could learn a lot from them.
Hang your head New Zealand. You have great rugby going on in your back yard and you would rather stay home with the missus. Next you'll be sipping Chardonay Spritzers and subscribing to the Arts channel.
Poofters.
Thursday, 26 July 2007
Pass the duchey on the left hand side
I was watching that pushbike race around Frogville on tele the other day. They kept talking about cyclists doing drugs or something. Usually with that amount of drug taking there would be a lot of tie dye and long hair. Also I would have expected them to stop along the way and down a couple of bags of chips and a KFC party pack, but I didn't see any evidence of that.
It seems an awful lot of work to do for a couple of reefers.
It seems an awful lot of work to do for a couple of reefers.
[Insert the title of a Supertramp song here]
Ok not wanting to repeat myself, but C'MON. WTF is up with this farking weather. Ok England I get it. You're good at rain. I'm impressed. But seriously enough is enough. Stop already.
Fuck Me. It's like turning on the T.V. and the Simpsons is on, but then you realise it's the one you've seen about a million goddamn times. Well make that every day for two months and you get the idea.
Fuck Me. It's like turning on the T.V. and the Simpsons is on, but then you realise it's the one you've seen about a million goddamn times. Well make that every day for two months and you get the idea.
Monday, 23 July 2007
Proof: A Picture is worth 1000 words
Story hereis completely useless without pictures.
I don't see the fuss - why shouldn't hot blonde chicks walk around naked. In fact when I rule the world it will be compulsory.
I don't see the fuss - why shouldn't hot blonde chicks walk around naked. In fact when I rule the world it will be compulsory.
Sunday, 22 July 2007
Movies in England
Went to movies for the first time on Friday. Went to see the new Harry Potter borefest, but this isn't a movie review blog so I won't go into that here, but suffice to say don't bother.
Not until that bird gets to a legal perving age anyway....
Where was I, oh yeah. Got to the movies a few minutes early as you do, and they were still cleaning the theatre. Ok can handle that. The English are lazy and slow so no surprise there. Got in, sat down. All good so far. Some pimply dude comes in with a food trolley - just incase you were too stupid to miss the bar on your way in.
Then the ads start. And go on. And on. And on. At one point I turned to the missus and said , "We paid for these tickets didn't we?". Well why the fuck do I have to sit through 20 fucking minutes of ads. And I'll let you in to another secret of UK life. The ads are written by retarded 5 year olds. They show as much originality and humour as a Seinfeld rerun. No really. Someone from Saaaaatchi needs to come over and setup shop here.
I don't mind the odd ad here and there, but c'mon 20 minutes? Fuck that. No wonder movie sales are falling and DVD's and ahem Internet downloads are increasing. No one wants to sit through 20 minutes of ads. No one. Not even the 5 year old retards that make them.
You can come in 20 minutes late I guess, but the farktards don't allocate seats, so unless you have a rubber neck then that's a bad idea too.
So 10/10 for fucking over the customers for UK Movie theater owners. Add them to my list of cunts I want to kick in the nads.
Not until that bird gets to a legal perving age anyway....
Where was I, oh yeah. Got to the movies a few minutes early as you do, and they were still cleaning the theatre. Ok can handle that. The English are lazy and slow so no surprise there. Got in, sat down. All good so far. Some pimply dude comes in with a food trolley - just incase you were too stupid to miss the bar on your way in.
Then the ads start. And go on. And on. And on. At one point I turned to the missus and said , "We paid for these tickets didn't we?". Well why the fuck do I have to sit through 20 fucking minutes of ads. And I'll let you in to another secret of UK life. The ads are written by retarded 5 year olds. They show as much originality and humour as a Seinfeld rerun. No really. Someone from Saaaaatchi needs to come over and setup shop here.
I don't mind the odd ad here and there, but c'mon 20 minutes? Fuck that. No wonder movie sales are falling and DVD's and ahem Internet downloads are increasing. No one wants to sit through 20 minutes of ads. No one. Not even the 5 year old retards that make them.
You can come in 20 minutes late I guess, but the farktards don't allocate seats, so unless you have a rubber neck then that's a bad idea too.
So 10/10 for fucking over the customers for UK Movie theater owners. Add them to my list of cunts I want to kick in the nads.
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